I think I died a long time ago.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
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i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
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I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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