it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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