Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
