I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
