and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
