I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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