Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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