Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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