If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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