We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
be right there i have to get my cape
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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