Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
