good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
