it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
