Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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