girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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