Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
