god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
