you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
