Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
