WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
