we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
