I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
