see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
