May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
