i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
