I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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