i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
