I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
