I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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