Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
