girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
