grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
birth control should be required to get into college
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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