Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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