I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
