It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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