epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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