im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
