she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
