Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She bit a glass in half.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
