the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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