3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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