Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
