The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
