my mouth tastes like poor choices
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
