Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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