I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
