how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
