wat bout pragnant strippers??
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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