I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
