just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
