you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
