i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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