Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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