I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
