Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
