Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
