break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
