I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
