I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Swine flu. Run for my life!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
