If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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