I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
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