I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
