just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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