Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
there is puke in my bra ... again
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