I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize