Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
