In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
